I once lived in an old brick apartment building and right behind us was a small park with some perfectly spherical grassy knolls; I used to lay back on them late at night and stare up at the stars. After a while I allowed my perception to shift and I began to realise that up was actually very much down…
We humans have created such strange concepts and laws to live by on this little earth of ours – linear time, straight lines, forward motion. When in reality we are so at the mercy of the natural laws and upon reflection from a greater distance, we can see that our perspective is very limited and in the grand scheme of things we have kind of got it all mixed up!
In any case, on one particular occasion I was feeling particularly hopeless; I was in between jobs, a lot of my friends had disappeared and I was inevitably left contemplating the meaning of the entire universe, as well as my place in it! I was trying to find strength within myself not to give up on everything I had worked so hard for thus far and reason to keep moving forward in pursuit of my passions. Terrified and overwhelmed by almost everything in life at that moment, grappling with immense confusion of direction and severe anxiety as a result. I could do no more than surrender to the support of the earth underneath my back, count my shallow breath in and out, as silent tears slid down my cheeks and wish upon the many stars that I could be one of them.
Until, I was, at once possed by the realisation that the absolute scariest thing that could possibly happen at any given moment is for gravity to stop working. If gravity gave up we would literally fall off the earth and into the sky.
Its a bit strange to consider since we shoot off UP into the sky in our rocket ships and explore the depths of the oceans DOWN below us but it’s none the less a very accurate way to look at things! And I had, for the first time in a long while, a profound moment of great clarity, and my little world didn’t seem so daunting.
Now, when I begin to feel overwhelmed, nervous and unsure about what direction to move in or whether or not I’ll be able to find my way…
I try to remember that moment and that feeling of being completely supported whilst completely surrendered. The universe has not failed me yet, for I am still here; I have not failed myself yet, for I am still here.
And in truth, I have only experienced growth, become wiser, stronger and more diverse. It can be difficult to remain fully conscious of it, at times… However, I am more than grateful… For the road thus far, this present path and the adventures ahead.